Today I found a tube.

That's right, a tube. Now, we sometimes take tubes for granted in this world, but there are many, many tubes! Let's talk about TUBES! How many types of tube can you think of? Let's talk about different types of tubes and what they're used for.

• Cathode ray tubes! These make television possible in some vague way that people who watch television will never understand.
• Vacuum tubes! If someone you're talking to has ever seen one of these, he's old.
• Flexible rubber tubes! These help us do heroin!
• Subways! I don't know, I guess English people call subways tubes... we don't question the English, or the queen will attack.
• Pneumatic tubes! These are pretty keen, and fun to spell, but thinking about them really makes me want to watch Brazil.
• Inner tubes! These are way less useful in a swimming pool environment than one would think.

You see, tubes are all around us, and that list is far from complete. Straws, macaroni, why, even your large intestine is little more than a twisted, horrific, and distressingly organic sort of tube! But none of these are the tube I found today. Especially not the colon. No, better than all that: a cardboard mailing tube!

For walloping people over the head with. Like a samurai.

A... a cardboard tube samurai.