Don't read this.

The tenuous balance between personal diary and humourous entertainment shifts very far into the red 'you probably won't want to read this' level today. Seriously, you probably won't.

So, I did a lot of crying today. I don't know what's wrong with me, there's nothing I have to do that's so extremely difficult that I can't do it... I'm just totally paralyzed whenever I start trying to get something done, and then I end up staring at a blank document for an hour, and then telling myself I can do it all tomorrow. This has basically continued all week. Today, about midway through a picnic with all my friends, I politely excused myself, retreated to my room, and just... freaked out. I don't know what set me off, but I felt it building all through lunch, and eventually couldn't hold it back any longer. I went up to my room and let go. I don't know what makes this week so damn special (I'm going to blame the proximity to the end of the semester), but all my little stresses are piling to a level I'm having a hard time handling. I can't handle, evidently. I know, I know, I have it better than some people who are plugging along just fine, but I just... I don't know. I've got the better part of a lifetime of good cheer backing up on me all of a sudden, and I don't know what to do; I feel like I'm going to explode. I don't even know if I'm making sense right now, I certainly feel like I'm not.

So why am I writing? I have to tell someone, but I can't bring myself to actually tell anyone. I still have that 'I don't want to be a bother' mentality that I know I should get rid of, which is why I can't talk about anything to anyone so everyone learns about my problems here, because I just have to do everything in as screwed up a manner as possible. I tried to mention it to Amber, (who is fast becoming my go-to gal for emotional outbursts, as well as the high point of my conversational day) but I could not bring myself to it. She managed to cheer me up no small amount regardless, just because she's entertaining, but now she's gone, and I'm working. And while I don't feel another outburst brewing, I'm still not at my best.

Sorry about all that... it probably comes across as whiney, pity-me BS. Ugh... I just want this year to end.