Saturday, April 09, 2005

I know it's probably a bad idea.

So, let's see now. Can I identify the two biggest issues in my life, right now, at the moment, that are preventing me from being a happy, happy individual? Well, if we exclude the mental crap I shovel upon myself, then yes, I think I can.

I do not want the stress of looking for housing for next semester, and I miss Nicole so much it hurts.

Next semester, Nicole will be going to a university that guarantees on-campus housing. It's a lot nicer than Iona, too.

I know this is a bad idea, I'm aware of that. I'm just having a difficult time believing that it's a bad idea. Let's face it, leaving Iona is arguably a step up. Seeing Nicole more than five times in six months would be... words would not do it justice. And I'd have a guaranteed place to live, with a fifty percent chance of not having a roommate, as opposed to here, where I have a guaranteed roommate, with a fifty percent chance of having a place to live. Plus, laundry costs literally half as much, and the cafeterias are open to 11:30.

Now, the obvious reasons why I'm being a dumbass: all my friends live here. Transferring surely involves it's own stresses that may exceed apartment hunting. I'd have to ship or sell a lot of my belongings. I wanted to live in New York, I chose to go to Iona, I do like it here. If Nicole and I broke up I would feel, in addition to terrible, like an idiot for going to a place where I'd be seeing her all the time. They don't have an Advertising major (and even though I'm far from married to advertising it would be an annoyance to change). Although, since I have, basically, a semester and a half where I don't have to take anything, because of AP credits, I could probably make up for whatever major I switched to... but whatever, I shouldn't be thinking like that because I know it's a bad idea. I think it is, at least. I don't know! There is a war going on within my mind, battalions squaring off and attacking each other to the point where I have no idea what to think anymore! I can't even tell you if I actually think it's a bad idea, or I just think I should think it's a bad idea!

My friends would miss me, but my parents would be happy I'm closer. Nicole would be... well, she'd be very upset if she thinks I'm coming halfway across the country because I think she wants me to. But that's not true, I wouldn't even say it would be going halfway across the country for her, except, honestly, in the greedy sense that I would be doing it so that I have access to her more often. And I like to think she'd be happier with me around. Of course, what really matters is whether I'd be happy, and I can't help but think I would.

Today, I think, the emo background has been put to good use...


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