A true story.

The phone rings.

"Hello?"

"Hey Ed, it's Chris."

"Chris Gardener! What's up, man?"

"Not much. Hey, listen, do you have a minute?"

"Well... I'm going out in a little while, but I have moment to spare, why?"

"Could you be Santa for my cousin?"

"I... what?"

"Yeah, I'm going to put my little cousin on the phone, and I need you to be Santa for her. That okay?"

"... um. Sure?"

"Okay, cool, just a second. Hey! Hey come here, I got Santa on the line!"

"..."

"Hewwo?"

"Hello!"

"Is this weally Santa?"

"Yes it is! Ho ho ho!"

"Weally?"

"Of course! Do you think your cousin would lie to you?"

"SANTA! IHAVETOTELLYOUTHATHSFNWLOFW [incomprehensible stream of words from a six-year-old girl who's talking very quietly but extremely fast, directed at the ear of someone who has more then enough trouble understanding what people are saying on the phone anyway] WSTFGLDEDOCHRISTMAS!"

"...ho ho ho, of course!"

"Santa! I talked to Santa! I talked to Santa!"

"..."

"Uh, hey there Santa."

"Hey Chris."

"Thanks for that, Santa."

"Not a problem, man."

"Talk to you later, Santa."

"Toodles."

The phone hangs up, and I am Ed again.