Internal Dialogue

"YEARGH!"

Huh?

"You! You fucking... son of a... you! Fuck you!"

Whoa, whoa, whoa, Subconscious? Are you all right?

"I'm as all right as you are... not. You're not. You."

I... what? Have you been drinking?

"I ain't drunk!"

... duly noted. Now, why don't you just sit down... put down the bottle-- put... put it down! Okay. Okay, now what's the matter, Subconscious?

"Aw, why should you care?"

Well, I mean, you are a part of my mind, I should think I'd have a vested interest in your well-being.

"Oh I get it! You only care about me because I'm you!"

Um... yes?

"Yeah, well... fuck you! Ha! Maybe I want a say in what's going on!"

But, Subbie, you DO have a say. In fact, if my limited understanding of psychology is at all accurate, you have a fairly large say in what's going on with me.

"Wha?"

Why, if something's bothering you, it could manifest for in things like, say, emotional distress, psychosomatic aches and pains, and... sleeplessness... alright, now I'm damn sure something's the matter.

"S'nothing..."

Nothing? Subbie, I haven't had a good night's sleep in days! Something's wrong, and you know what it is. Let's face it, if Freud was right, you're calling the shots here, and my task is to correctly interpret what you're saying so as to create a healthy and functioning mind and body.

"But wait... wait... wait... you always thought Freud was full of it."

Well, yes, but you're also not really my subconscious, rather a representative literary device. The point being, I think I have something on my you, and I'd like to know what it is. So spill, man! I'm not in love, am I? Tell me I'm not in love with someone, because I really don't need that right about now.

"What? God no!"

Oh, excellent. Then what? Guilt, did I wrong someone? Or... fear? Or, I got it! Existential malaise brought about by awareness of my own mortality!

"Aah! Stop! Stopping with the big words! Stoppy stop! Stop. Sssssssss-top. Puh."

Listen, I can leave you be for the time being, but I don't know how long I can go with a subconscious drunk on... what the hell is there to drink in my mind anyway?

"Your id's been distilling moonshine back behind your corpus callosium."

How... weirdly anthropomorphic.

"Stoppie big words!"

Right! Sorry! Anyway, you just... deal with whatever problems we've got, alright? I'd like to get some sleep in before the summer's over.