Friday, July 21, 2006

Hm. Dusty in here.

So. People have been getting pissed off at me for not having updated this thing in quite a while. My friends. My family. An anonymous source. All have chewed me out quite effectively for my failure to maintain a weblog that I threw together two-and-a-half years ago, on a lark, solely so that I could test out the erstwhile 'BlogTHIS' button on the Google toolbar for Internet Explorer. A weblog read only by people who have the capacity to actually interact with me. A bloated series of poor navigational choices, HTML ineptness, and mediocre graphic design. One more personal web site in a vast, nearly infinite sea of personal web sites; digital egotism lost in an ocean of the same, differentiated from the masses by little more than a goofy looking duck in the upper right hand corner. A creation which absorbed tracts of my free time and even made me schedule my days around it, at times. A pithy, little, useless annoyance, that I had no incentive to even acknowledge anymore. People are annoyed at me for having neglected it ...not the least of whom was myself.

"Pfffft!"

Was that the sound of my unconscious doing a spit take?

"You're mad at yourself for not updating?"

That's what I said.

"Are you insane?"

Yes.

"..."

What, that answer not good enough for you?

"Well, I was, as such, expecting a 'no', you see."

Hm. No, no I'm definitely insane, if by 'insane' you mean 'has emotional problems and a brain that don't work quite right'.

"That would be... apt."

Old habits die hard, Carlton, and I have a tendency to fall face-first into ennui. I'll sleep too long, eat too much, watch TV too often, eschew human contact, and, the cardinal sin here, I won't produce ANYTHING. I wrote a book, dammit, but these days all I've got are half-started ideas and a hell of a lot of nothing. Does that sound right to you?

"Um... no?"

Damn straight! Damn-ASS straight! You see, this very day I was talking to my marvelous monodexterous mamacita, Amber, and the subject came up. The subject of this thing... this thing you're looking at. And lo and behold, I started feeling straight-up lousy at the way I've been neglecting it, and moreso, myself. Straight. Up. Lousy.

"So... are you trying to say that your neglecting this weblog was both symptom and harbinger of your return to certain patterns of behavior (e.g.: excessive idleness likely brought about by a fear of failure and avoidance likely tied to shame regarding the aforesaid idleness) that characterized long and not especially pleasant swathes of your youth, and that by reinitiating it you hope to force yourself out of this pattern by A) airing out your problems on a public forum so that you're forced to deal with them and B) providing yourself with a simple, confidence-building daily activity that is both entertaining and stimulating?"

...what are you, some kind of psychologist?

"I am a figment of your imagination. One could argue that I AM psychology."

Duly noted, nonexistent friend. Okay readership! The rules are as follows! I, Ed, will post one (1) post of not less than one hundred (100) words, for the oncoming indeterminate (?) period of time. Should I fail in this regard, for any reason, you are to ridicule me mercilessly by whatever means available to you! Suggested avenues of ridicule: my weight! My lack of athletic prowess! My poor penmanship! My political stance! Veiled threats are also acceptable! Should I post something that barely scrapes the hundred-word minimum, which mainly amounts to an apology for barely scraping the hundred-word minimum, you are also welcome to kick me in the shins!

"Really hard?"

No! Only slightly hard! Alright, all clear?

"Aye sir!"

Excellent! Let's go!

"Oh, and Ed?"

Hm?

"Welcome back. We've missed you."

4 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

your back!!! wooo hooooo!!!
seriously, your blog is hillarious.
the post about you vs. the vending machine was brilliant.
glad to see youur back.
-the annonomous source.

7/21/2006 6:06 PM  
Blogger Amber said...

Yay! I'm -someone's- mamacita! And that someone is you!

Oh, and it's good to have you back (-very- good in fact, missed you a bunches)

7/22/2006 1:20 AM  
Blogger Ford Dent said...

Wind sweeps over a blasted wasteland, the ruins of a once great city brought low by time's slow march. Crows circle overhead, the only residents of a dead city.

From above there is a flash of light, the sky cracks open, and ED returns.

This is how I played it out in my head. I see that the octuple P promise is back in full effect (sort of).

7/22/2006 3:19 PM  
Blogger Ed said...

I think Ford's description really captures my saviorlike qualities. Bravo, sir.

7/26/2006 8:46 PM  

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