Friday, July 28, 2006

Aldo Kelrast walks at night

So, Last night, I did not sleep. Mind you, this was not due to some sort of choice, some personal incentive to be exhausted, sore, and somewhat nauseated the day long... rather, my body decided to be an ass, and force continual consciousness upon me, against my will. Very well... it was not a first, and I am capable of entertaining myself if need be. And entertain myself I did, in the basest and most loathsome way possible... MySpace.

It shames me to admit it, but got into the MySpacing, too. It was late, and my judgment was compromised! I updated my various statuses, I "Pimped my Profile" (although I did not opt to make it ridiculously unreadable, which seems to be the standard), and I looked up people. People I used to know. People I barely know. People I wish I knew. And, in the end, I turned into a creepy stalker. That's the bad kind of stalker, you know.

I have mentioned once or twice the cute waitress at the Diner, yes? Well, In the middle of this rampant My-ing of Space, I looked her up. And, lo and behold, there she was, in all her cute, waitressy glory. Actually, she's not nearly so waitressy over the Internet, but the point remains the same, and I'll be getting to the point real soon now. The point is this: I now know more about Cute Waitress than I would have learned over a thousand hamburgers. I know details about her and her life, I have insight into her family, her hopes and dreams, and I have access to pictures of her in outfits faaar more flattering than a red polo shirt and black apron. Meanwhile, I can not say with assurance that she even remembers my name!

I am by no means obsessed with C.W., although for the nonce, I wish I were! I am a large man, and I cannot hide in bushes very well, and this works better anyway. I could go through her trash for WEEKS and not hope to find out her middle name (Marie!) or her taste in music (bad!) or whether or not she's ever been driven around whilst in the trunk of a car (evidently!), but bam! It's all there in pink and black for the world to see and Roger Murdoch to appropriate! Stalking at the speed of light... why, if I put my mind to it, I could have a restraining order against me within the week!

I'm probably going to go to the diner later, I just have to decide whether it's a really good idea are a really bad idea to friend her first.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

found your blog through the Space. never seen somebody use words like nonce before. i waitress and i'm not tryin to be mean, but when most waitresses are that nice it's cuz they want a bigger tip. it's cool if she's cute but asking her out mihgt make it weird next time you go in there. sorry.

7/29/2006 6:47 AM  
Blogger Ed said...

Mein Gott, another stranger reading me! This has become epidemic! We're at three seperate anonymoussies with no signs of stopping!

Anyway, yeah, I know that waitresses are effectively paid to flirt with their costomers. It's sick, it's wrong, and it's manipulative, but that doesn't prevent me from enjoying my end of it.

7/29/2006 10:50 AM  

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