The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra

Alright. Are we ready for another movie review? Whoa, don't run away just yet! I almost promise that this one won't devolve into pseudo-biblical Hanksian ranting, or the continued adventures of Doctor Whomever, Grammarian of the Future. I swear, that probably won't happen.

Incidentally, my Affirmative-Action Minority Friend, Jose, said to me the other day: "Yes, your reviews don't essentially review the movies at all. It's pretty much mentioning the movie then dance, dancing the night away." Oh, that guy. I'd fire him if I could, but I'd need to find another Puerto Rican to replace him. Blast it all!

Anyway, the film we're looking at today is The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra! I'm not going to lie to you people; this is quite possibly the funniest movie you will ever see. It's out on DVD, you can find it at Best Buy for twenty bucks, and it is absolutely worth it. It's a poorly made sci-fi film from the fifties. Or rather, a brilliant, modern parody thereof. A meteor filled with the mysterious substance Atmospherium, lands out in the woods, and Paul and Betty Armstrong, scientist and wife, must find it, for Science! Meanwhile, Kro-bar and Lattis are aliens from the planet Marva, who need Atmospherium to power their ship so they can return home. (Planet? Marva? Whoa, slow down before I get a headache!) There's also a rogue mutant, an evil scientist, Animala- part woman, part four different forest animals, and of course, the Lost Skeleton of Cadavra! And everyone wants to get their hands (claws, paws, bones) on that atmospherium. Oh, man. Good times. 'Laugh until you can't breathe'-type good times.The acting is... brilliantly awful would be the only way to put it. The special effects aren't especially effective, the skeleton himself is an exercise in 'spot the string', and the mutant looks vaguely like a giant ear of corn. The dialogue is about as stilted as it's possible to get; "Aliens? Us? Is this one of your Earth 'jokes'?" is one of my favorite lines, along with "Betty, do you know what this meteor could mean to Science? It could mean actual advances in the field of Science!". Hell, every line is hilarious. Trust me, you'll be quoting it to your friends, and they'll be getting mad because they have no idea what you're talking about. Just... just buy the movie. Or get a friend to buy the movie. Or make friends with someone who already has the movie. Or cry, cry for you will never experience the mystery and the majesty of the Lost Skeleton.

The DVD has a veritable plethora of extras, including a few cast interviews where you learn how these otherwise normal people became terrible fifties actors. Apparently, Kro-bar's motivation was that he was a Shakespearian actor who thought this was his big break into cinema. Ranger Brad was instructed to act as if he wasn't an actor, just a guy who got the part because he owned a ranger costume. Oh, just get the movie. You won't regret it.