Sunday, June 13, 2004

New baby!

Look at my new baby! She's a Huntsman Lite by Victorinox, complete with a whole armload of fabulous features. My old knife, Ron, is still alive and kicking, but, well, he doesn't have a flashlight. Or a saw. And his casing is loose, so he's going into early retirement. No, I've got a new knife now.

Ain't she beautiful? And man oh man does she have a lot crammed in her casing! From top to bottom:
  • Big blade
  • Saw
  • Little blade
  • Phillips head screwdriver
  • Flashlight
  • Can opener/Large screwdriver/Wire stripper
  • Bottle opener/Small screwdriver
  • Corkscrew
  • Fine screwdriver
  • The mysterious hook
  • Reamer with eyehole
  • Eyeglass screwdriver
  • Toothpick
  • Tweezers
  • Ballpoint pen
    And not pictured:
  • Scissors
  • Straight pin

Jeepers! That's a lottalotta stuff! There are entire societies that accomplish less than this knife! I honestly don't know how civilization advanced this far without ever before having a flashlight literally attached to a saw.

Now I have to name the new girl. My Victoronox Tinker was named after unblemished genius and one of my personal heroes, Ron Popiel, inventor of the Pocket Fisherman, Hair-in-a-Can, and the Showtime Rotisserie Grill (set it and forget it!), the only product capable of turning the fact that it produces enough residual heat to boil water into a selling point. How can I name my new knife in such a prestigious manner? I was thinking of naming it after noted Swiss Army Knife enthusiast Angus MacGyver, but then I decided for arbitrary reasons that the Huntsman is female. So... I got nothing. Damnation!

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