Thursday, August 24, 2006

Uno! (b/w: Star Wars rant!)

One more day until Amber gets here!


Just about twenty-four hours, in fact, given the time it takes to deplane ("Which is a fancy word for 'get off the plane now.'" --Bruce McCullough), orient oneself in LaGuardia (which is Spanish for 'the guard. Ia'), and retrieve one's checked baggage (this parenthetical intentionally left blank). And then, ADVENTURE! EXCITEMENT! All that sweet shit that a Jedi does not crave, because Jedi are poncy little self-absorbed douchebags!

Seriously, they are. I'm not saying that the Sith were perfect; for one thing, they were pretty self-destructive as a group... if the traditional method of advancement through the ranks consists of brutally murdering the dude who trained you, most folks will be disinclined to pass along the most useful tricks of the trade, so when they kick the bucket naturally, the secret of purple lightning bolts, for example, is lost to the ages unless they have some way of talking to blue ghosts that I'm unaware of. But at least the Sith understood how human beings operate, which is more than one could say for the Jedi (and for the purposes of this sentence, all the funky-looking aliens on the Jedi council are considered human beings. Don't blame me, blame a certain Mr. Lucas who has the budget to make things look pretty, but lost the talent to give different species appreciably different cultures somewhere down the line. I mean seriously, why is there a DINER in a galaxy far, far away?).

Think with me... you are one of a very select few (apparently some two dozen out of the entire known galaxy) who are possessed of amazing powers beyond mortal man's ken, yes? And you have some sort of ancient obligation to be the police force of the galaxy, or something? Or something? Well, is it just me, or is it amazingly unwise to cabal up, spend all your time in a room in the capital city deciding things from afar? Think propagandistically! Your most valuable asset isn't the force, it's visibility! You wouldn't need an inherently problematic legion of clone troopers if people joined the volunteer army, now would you? SOMEONE should have gotten his ass out to Tatooine with, like, a vat of Space-Gatorate clearly labeled 'from your friends the Jedi'. Or bought out all the slaves! I'd rather be a soldier than a slave, wouldn't you?

Brief aside: what is the Jedi connection with the actual government of the galaxy? Clearly they are a powerful force, but do they get a vote, or are they just, like, the gas company? I hope the latter, elsewise the Jedi are tacitly approving of the human rights violations (e.g. slavery) taking place on the over-government's member planets.

Now the Sith, and the Empire, they knew how to handle propaganda. Of course, trying to organize a culture of fear, they profited from INvisibility. No one wants to know that the Emperor is a crippled old man who could be thrown over the railing of the Death Star by another crippled old man who can't even breathe on his own. Through the mystery and deification of the uppity-ups in Sithdom, they got all the power. For a while, at least. Until Anikin screwed it up for everyone.

And when I say everyone, I mean EVERYONE.

Seriously, he was such a tool. And yet he was welcomed back to the club after he died? Hell naw! If I were Yoda's ghost, I'd tell Anikin's ghost to off the hell fuck.


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