The most exciting adventure EVER!

So there I was, minding my own business, when all of a sudden this boar comes tearing down the street and--

"Hey, Ed?"

... uh... yes?

"Dude, can we talk for a couple of minutes?"

Um. Does it have to be now? This is a really exciting story.

"It's sort of something that's been bugging me for a while."

Well... can it bug you for a little while longer? 'Cause I mean, I met an astronaut, and I hugged a bear. It's really been quite a day.

"Well, if you really think that's more important..."

Dude, I might have killed a man! And I uncovered a vast worldwide conspiracy to-- what's with the puppy dog eyes, man? Cut that out.

"Sorry. I'll just... head on up to my room, I guess."

[Sigh]. What's the matter?

"I want a font."

... what?

"I want a font. I'm a literary device, right? All I've got is my text, and it's in the same green Times New Roman. I don't think that's fair!"

... dude, I snuck into the Grand Old Opry in drag to prevent an assassination, and you've hung up on FONT? You've got quotation marks to offset your dialogue! What more do you want?

"Well... a different background and text color so I could use long stretches of text without feeling like people will think I'm you."

You ARE me!

"Ye-es, but you know what I mean."

I PUNCHED A SHARK IN THE NOSE! And you... you're... gah! Right in the nose, man!

"Listen, I'm sure you had an interesting day, but this is important!"

... OKAY! Fine, have your way, you big, imaginary baby!

Thank y-wait a minute!

What?

Pink? Why am I in pink? I look... gay!

You're not?

Are YOU?

I don't think so... but it would explain an awful lot. And it puts the cowboy portion of my adventure in a whole new light!

Well, I want something different.

Okay, how's this?

Too Superman.

Or this?

This is barely readable!

You see why you don't have your own font? Nothing is good enough! Now look, it's almost midnight, I haven't even told the people about losing my arm OR eating lunch with Academy Award-winning actor Hugh Laurie and the Queen of England. There's no time now, not with all your foolishness.

I'm sorry, man. I... wait. I like this one! I like it! It's subtle, but it's still distinctly me!

Oh! Hey, I like it too! Awesome!

Listen, I'm sorry about ruining your story. Especially the bit where you blew up a car using purely the force of your will, which I knew you were particularly proud of.

Yeah, well... I actually had a gun-bot helping me. I did drink a gallon of milk in a half-hour through sheer force of will, though.

Awesome. Hey... am I still gonna be your Best Man?

Wouldn't have anyone else. Oh, shit, did I tell the Internet about my wedding?

Meh, they can read all about it in the next issue of O. Let's us get nachos.

Sweet! Nachos!