I got nothing.

So, I intended to talk about all the reasons I'm so awesome, but the essay was so large that my browser crashed.

Then I tried to make a list of all the ladies that are into me, but it turns out lists can't count that high.

I decided to just write about some of the adventures that I go on, but my life is so exciting that my CPU overheated.

I thought maybe I'd upload some pictures of my new hat, but I'm so damn hot the camera EXPLODED.

I heard that self-deprecating humor is very popular, but there's nothing about me that I could think to insult.

I figured I could write a short amusing story about a pirate who can't remember where he parked his ship, but I showed it to my friend and he laughed so hard he had a non-fatal but still dangerous stroke.

Then I tried to tell a sad story about a lonely puppy, but when I showed it to my other friend she started crying so hard she went partially blind.

I then wrote a philosophical essay about how murder is wrong, but when I was done, God came down and said I made a lot of sense, and retroactively added a commandment, making the whole thing moot.

Out of sheer desperation, I slammed my face into the keyboard a bunch of times, planning to post the ensuing gibberish, but I accidentally recreated "Rita Hayworth and the Shawshank Redemption" in its entirety.

I give up, man. Sometimes it's just too hard to be me.