My letter to Payroll.

Dear Rose Rantonelli

It is my understanding, Ms. Rantonelli, that you are the only woman in the entire world capable of helping me. I'm sure you have a lot on your shoulders there in the Payroll department, which is why you leave at four most days, except today when you opted to not even come in. But hey, me bitter? Nope.

It is my understanding that you, Rose, have the skills and charm necessary to void two checks and reissue them, after the United States Postal Service gobbled them up like a hungry, hungry monster consuming the tender flesh of children. Delicious, delicious children.

It is my understanding, Captain Cashing, that there is a $25 fee, which amounts to something like 10% of the money you owe me. Or, if this is a fee per check, a fifth of my hard earned money, what amounts to well over two weeks' work. Seems fair to me, because of the sheer pain, torture, and anguish incurred by voiding and reissuing two checks.

It is my understanding, physical embodiment of soul-crushing, heartless bureaucratic system that exists primarily to serve itself, the welfare of individuals being no more than an interesting byproduct, that I am to metaphorically give you big wet kisses whilst you metaphorically stab me in the face with a rusty penknife. But me? Bitter? Why would you think such a thing?

Vive la Bureaucracy!

Love,

Ed