But I gave blood yesterday!
Honestly, what can't you get away with if you've given blood? It's the all-purpose excuse for any misstep or misdeed! And no one can get mad at you! At all! It's like this, see:
I'll be walking along, minding my own business, with the sticker and the big old arm bandage and about a dozen little plastic cups of cranberry juice cleverly smuggled out of the blood lettery in the usual place, when all of a sudden WHAM! I walk smack dab into some lady who been standing still, and send her sprawling with my mighty force. "You jerk!" she'd yell at me, but then I'd subtly put my wounded arm forward and say "Oh, sorry. I'm just a little woozy from giving blood. And saving lives," and then she'd say "Oh! I'm sorry! Did I say 'jerk'? I meant 'hero'! Please, accept some of my kisses!" and I'll say "Candy-type? Or make out-type?" and she'd say "Both are available," so I'd say "Hmm... tempting as it is, I can't shake the feeling that there may be someone who would not be especially pleased if I take make out-type kisses from every woman I accidentally wallop... also, blah, blah, blah, keeping up my strength, blah, blah, blah, no strenuous activity, blah, blah, blah, give me candy. Now!" and so suddenly I'd have lots of candy! Whee! Thank you, bleeding!
I'll be walking along, minding my own business, with the sticker and the big old arm bandage and about a dozen little plastic cups of cranberry juice cleverly smuggled out of the blood lettery in the usual place, when all of a sudden WHAM! I walk smack dab into some lady who been standing still, and send her sprawling with my mighty force. "You jerk!" she'd yell at me, but then I'd subtly put my wounded arm forward and say "Oh, sorry. I'm just a little woozy from giving blood. And saving lives," and then she'd say "Oh! I'm sorry! Did I say 'jerk'? I meant 'hero'! Please, accept some of my kisses!" and I'll say "Candy-type? Or make out-type?" and she'd say "Both are available," so I'd say "Hmm... tempting as it is, I can't shake the feeling that there may be someone who would not be especially pleased if I take make out-type kisses from every woman I accidentally wallop... also, blah, blah, blah, keeping up my strength, blah, blah, blah, no strenuous activity, blah, blah, blah, give me candy. Now!" and so suddenly I'd have lots of candy! Whee! Thank you, bleeding!
And, so, the point I'm trying to make is, you can't get mad at me for missing yesterday's post, because I gave blood yesterday. And don't try to get me on the Octuple 'P' Promise, as Nicole already gave me a not-especially-unpleasant punishment for my transgressions. And I don't think it's even possible to insult someone in Elvish, so I'd like to see you try.
posted by Ed Turner at
7:02:00 AM
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