A... stounding.

Ah, my brother; 'Bert', I call him, for reasons not entirely known to anyone, especially since his name is Xin Vasquez Johannssonsson...son. Son. Sonssonsdaughterssonsson. Hmm... is that stupid enough to be funny yet, or just stupid? Well, just for good measure: sonssonsson. Oh man, yon spellchecker is going to have a field day with this gag.

Sweet merciful Shoggoth! I'm in the middle of a sentence! Aw jeez... I don't even know where I was going with this anymore! What could have led up to Johannssonssonssonssonssonokay I'll stop now. I know when an already terrible joke has gone too far.

Great Cthulhu's ghost! I'm in the middle of another sentence! And I still haven't finished my first one. Okay, (INSERT HEAVY SIGH HERE) let's take this from the top, like rational people. I think I was talking about my brother, right? Alright, here we go, I'm gonna try to get a running start into the next paragraph. And-a one, and-a two and-a three, let's jam!

My brother has very long dreadlocks! Hang down past the small of his back, they do! And he's almost as not-black as I am! Oh, I know the picture over on the sidebar isn't the best, but it's true, I'm actually a white guy. Sorry to disappoint you all. My brother, judging by his name, is actually a combination of Chinese, Mexican, and... uh... super-Swedish. But mostly white, with huge dreadlocks. He's had 'em for years, and I just can't remember the last time I saw Bert without a giant spider nesting on his head. Until today! Dreads years in the making lopped off without ceremony! I'm astonished. Now, y'all are too young to remember, but your old Grandpa Ed used to have pretty long hair, back in the summer of aught three, but it was lopped off following the advice of a girl, or as we called 'em back in the day, feldspar. So, I have an inkling of an idea as to what the poor man (or feldspath) is going through, but it's surely magnified one thousandfold. He claims to have given the matter loads if thought, but I don't know; it may be only a matter of time before I have to bring him into the counseling sessions with me and Alek*, who suffered at the hands of what may be best referred to as an over-zealous barber.

Anyway, I'm the first person to know about Xin Bert's crazy decision outside of himself and his dog, so I felt the need to tell the people of the world, e.g., the half dozen people who read this thing, most of whom live in my house, and one of whom is me. Good luck with the new hair, Bert! Me, I'm fairly sure it'll be less than a week before he starts sitting around with a mop on his head, weeping silently. But then, some would call me cynical.


^{*I don't think I've mentioned Alek before. Suffice to say, his car isn't as nice as Dan's; and he's not quite as cute as Meg, though he tries; and I'm not forced to keep him around due to affirmative action, like Jose; but he buys me food sometimes, so he's worth keeping around in case of emergency.}