A Promise!

One hundred words. Bare minimum. Every day. And for goodness’s sake the title doesn’t count. Why? Because it’s the right thing to do. Also, what? Oh, I should have mentioned earlier; I’ve taken a pledge to update this site more often, and when I say more often, I mean every day. There’s nothing stopping me, and one hundred words as a bare minimum isn’t all that much to ask for. I mean, I’ve already typed seventy-five, and I’m not nearly done. Eighty-one. Eight-two. I mean eighty-five! I mean—

Okay, it’s an old gag. I’ll stop. But I do plan to stick to this pledge of mine. I’m done for today, at one hundred-eleven and counting. Now, back to why have I made this arbitrary decision; I don’t really know. Let’s just say it’s some random combination of my unemployed lethargy and lack of creative outlets. Indeed, I spend most of my time lying in bed, watching old cartoons. This reminds me, ‘Garfield and Friends’ is on. It’s time to go where the fun never ends. It’s time to party with… them.

(A HALF HOUR PASSES)

Oh that Wade Duck, is there anything that doesn’t frighten him? Ah… oh hey! I was posting something, wasn’t I? I should probably get to how I’m to be punished should I fail in this endeavor; that’s where you come in. If you notice, at anytime after 12 o'clock a.m. in my time zone (currently Eastern Daylight Time) that I haven’t posted in the last twenty-four hours, or that my posts didn’t reach one hundred words, total, then you are welcome to e-mail me at ededed at gmail dot com with your name, phone number, and a time that I may call you. The first person who does so will be allowed to verbally berate me for up to five minutes. Yes! Insult my ancestry, ethnicity, and sexual history. Be as accurate or wild as you want. Shout obscenities, make threats to my life. Or start a nice conversation, and then turn really passive-aggressive in the middle of it. Anything goes. Say ‘fatty’ three hundred-sixty times, whatever.

I pledge to take all your abuse in meek silence, though I reserve the right to, as soon as the five minutes are up, shout “Same to you, buddy!” and hang up. This would be Ed’s Particularly Painful Persecution Pending Poor Posting Procedures Promise, or Ed's Octuple ‘P’ Promise or EOPP or simply, E. I’m going to put a permanent link to this on the sidebar, and I’ll mention my e-mail address one last time (in spambot avoiding form, of course): ededed at gmail dot com.

It is now July 8, 2004, easy enough to remember as it’s the day my brother turns thirty. By the time he’s thirty-one I’ll have written, minimum, 36,500. That’s a freakin’ novella! Good luck, me! And the rest of you, ready your slander!

UPDATE! As of July 18, the update requirement applies to either here, or over at R.E.V.I.E.W.S.. So, there you go. Mostly it'll be here, though.

ANOTHER UPDATE! As of January 11, Saturday updates must be for R.E.V.I.E.W.S., updates here will not be counted unless I have a damn good excuse.