Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Lack of communication...

And now, how 'bout another complete thematic 180. Why? Because this is my forum and I can do whatever the hell I want, that's why!

It's rough being a person, because communication is COMPLICATED. It's hard enough to understand somebody when they're straight-up saying exactly what they mean, language being the sticky wicket that it is. And when you aren't speaking your peace openly and honestly, then one has to pick out meaning from the subtext, which is entirely possible but prone to failure. Okay, now lets pretend you haven't actually spoken to someone in months, and are trying to divine their mind's state through bits and pieces they say elsewhere. Comments that seem to be directed at you, but you aren't mentioned by name... you could ask, but what if you're wrong entirely? What if they're talking about someone else entirely? It doesn't REALLY matter but... but no one likes burned bridges.

And you know, once you've not talked to someone for long enough, it's almost impossible to start again. For me, at least... there's a handful of people I want to talk to, and whenever I see them online or they leap unbidden to mind, I fight myself to just shoot a line that says no more than 'Hello, I still exist and I still care that you exist'. But neurosis gets the best of me in the end. And of course, feel guilty, because while I'm tilting at silent windmills over here, I suspect some of them to be doing the same with what I'm not saying. And needless to say, I feel like a complete pansy for not being able to say anything more than 'hello', even though I know how difficult human interaction really is.

Communication is rough, because you don't even have to do it to do it. Sigh. Even the notion of naming names in this little exercise kills me. Oy. Bang head on wall.


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