Wednesday, November 15, 2006

State of the Ed address.

Hey kids! Been a while, o'course, on account of I'm attempting to write a novel. So, I figured I'd check in, let you all know that life is going awesome!

No it isn't.

Oh hey. You folks all remember this abstraction of my inner monologue, right. It's been a while.

Yes, I know. Too lazy to type out my font information into the template, eh?

Man, can I help it if you were ever so much more convenient to break out when you were no more than quotation marks? No, no I can't.

Hrm.

Anyway, I don't know what you could be complaining about. I've got all sorts of free time these days, I get to work on my novel, catch up on all my schoolwork, hang out with people, pick up chicks. All that good stuff.

You're bored out of your mind; after you quit you were so depressed you didn't write word one for three days and still haven't recovered. You're not technically behind in schoolwork, but that's only because the procrastination hasn't caught up with you yet. You're spending far more time than usual cooped up in your room, and as for picking up chicks...

All right, all right. That hasn't happened either. If anything I've put down a chick. Only, you know... I didn't kill her or anything. And furthermore, buying food on my mother's money is just depressing. It's not that I needed that job, or even that I particularly liked that job it's just that... well...

It's that having a job is NORMAL. It's a thing that NORMAL people do and now you're abnormal again. Or rather, more so, I suppose.

Yeah, I couldn't have put it better myself. I no longer feel like a proper person, but, well...

The idiot man-child, neither fit nor capable nor deserving of interaction with the real world.

Um... yeah. So I've--

Been moping and mopey, living a little half-life in your little apartment, avoiding the real world and drowning in distractions.

... yeah. Stop that. Because, mopey or not, I'm not depressed! I'm not emo all of a sudden! I've still got my facilities and am aware of my mopeyness, which is good!

I'd warn against confusing "not as bad as it could possibly be" with "good", but that's actually fairly good. Provided you de-mope within a reasonable timeframe.

I will! Step one: cop to moping. Here I am, Mopey Mel, coppin' to it.

Step two: Reassert the belief and understanding that you have worth and worthiness, not just as a person in general (deserving of the same credit and slack you give to others but invariably deny to yourself) but as a unique individual who is talented and beloved, someone who is admittedly not like the masses but in a good way that, while logically he can comprehend, at his core is unable to believe.

Dude, step two is "get a snack." I don't know what the hell step that is, but it's YEARS away.

Of course. Silly me. You get that snack Ed. Snack on.

That's what I'm talkin' about! I'm talkin' about SNACKS.

4 Comments:

Anonymous AAMF said...

Dude, if you ever feel like you're not as good as anyone else, just go here:
http://www.amazon.com/Mad-Jack-Ed-Turner/dp/1411676483/sr=11-1/qid=1163680955/ref=sr_11_1/102-5533269-4928949

11/16/2006 4:50 AM  
Blogger Vincent Avatar said...

SIR.

I don't see what all the fuss about being normal is all about. Normal people don't wear awesome hats, and suffer the pangs of inferior haberdashery. Normal people don't wear kilts, and will never know the joy of a draft in summertime. Normal people are generally stupid, self-centered, egotistical, and bad for the image of the human race.

You are not. Embrace your uniqueness. The masses aren't worth being like.

11/16/2006 7:42 AM  
Blogger The Diva said...

Ew, don't use my name in vain like that.

Hope the lunch went well today.

11/16/2006 11:47 AM  
Anonymous DN said...

dudenons advice- dont worry about having a job now. its not really that unusual to not have a job while in college- your a full time student.
my point is- once you graduate your going to have to hold a job for a very long time so you might as well milk your college career for all its worth. Might as well have fun while you can, when its still socially acceptable to be mooching off your parents and not working everyday.

11/17/2006 2:27 PM  

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