Cooler than Ramune?

Could such a beverage be? Well, sorta!

It's some sort of Wolfgang Puck coffee beverage, and it's pretty tasty. Oh, I've had better, much better, but the drink is perfectly acceptable, and far from the foul death-liquid it could get away with being, for you see, this is one of those products where the packaging is the selling point. You see... it self heats.

"What?"

You heard me Guadalupe! There is now a commercially available, and yummy, self-heating beverage.

"But, but, that means that..."

That's right, bucko! We're living the future! Flying cars can't be far now! Yeeha!

"Well, how does it work?"

I'm glad you asked. The basic idea is as follows: you get yourself this sealed coffee-unit, with a nice, soda-like pull tab on the top. On the bottom, there is a safety seal, and under that, a pressable dingus.

"... a what now?"

A pressable dingus. A dingus that you can press. Not sure where the confusion lieth. Anyway... upon pressing it, you release a Mysterious Liquid into a Secret Chamber, whereupon an Exothermic Reaction happens, heating up the stuff within. Nothing actually mixes with the coffetic goodness, or at least we are assured of that on the packaging, in big, happy letters. Which is good, I think, because I'm not entirely comfortable with the notion of FIRE LIQUID IN MY BELLY. There's a lot I'll put in my belly, virtually anything. But the two things I won't allow in there are Mysterious Self-Heating and Potentially Lethal Compounds, and mushrooms. Freaking mushrooms. Hate them!

"I like mushrooms."

YOU DON'T TALK TO ME, SHROOMY McGEE!

"Um..."

Eat one hundred forty degrees of liquid death!

"... you've gone mad, haven't you?"

Whoop whoop whoopwhoopwhoop!

"Right... okay, then. I'll just finish this one up, eh? Come up with something insightful to say. Um... uh... er... goodnight folks!"