Mike Arnone is the embodiment of hilarity.

I'm not even kidding. I just returned from a barbecue he hosted, but even more important than the meaty goodness there supplied and the radioactive playground (I'll get to that later) were the final hours when he delighted us all with cleverly exaggerated tales of his childhood, his brother, and his bowels. Arnone is one of the nicest, most self-effacing fellows you'd ever hope to meet, and boy, can he spin a hilarious yarn. He had the whole freaking house in stitches, and it was a mightily packed house. My attempts to describe it further would not do him justice, so I will get back to radioactive playground.

So, yeah, evidently there was a load of somewhat radioactive dirt dumped on the playground right behind Mike's house. Needless to say, we decided to go there and screw about until we developed super powers. Or tumors. Now, I'm not entirely certain it was effective, but I am significantly more inclined towards world domination today than I was before. Also, I really feel like forming a legion of some sort. I'm thinking, after the powers really kick in, I'll see if I can't convince the Twins to join my Legion of General Destructiveness. I, of course, will be the crackpot leader who thinks the others don't realize I'm using them as pawns, and they will be the even more dangerous villains, plotting to stab everyone else in the back at the first possible opportunity. Yes, yes, I can see it now: The Living Bomb, who has ability to explode... once; The Slumberer, who can hibernate AT WILL; and of course, General Glue, who naturally secretes a powerful adhesive from every pore on his body, constantly. Truly, we will be a force to be reckoned with! Y'all best watch yourself, Justice Dopes, because we're going to tell you exactly what crimes we intend on committing... in PRECISE detail... and then after a short length of time, commit them, in exactly the fashion we said we would! We won't change a thing, and the only contingency plans we have in case anything goes wrong will be a brief, awkward battle in which the censors will let neither side actually throw a punch, and then running comically in the opposite direction! Think you can handle that? I did not think so!