So, what, exactly, are these eight maids a-milking?

No, seriously, what? I don't have any cows, or goats, or any other milkable! I've got a house full of birds! You can't milk something oviparous! Except for a platypus, but there are no songs about platypi! And there probably never will be! Because platypi are basically an evolutionary mistake! So what are they milking? Hell, the only mammals I got for Christmas are those eight... maids... uh... milking...

... oh my.

So, um, let's me ignore those eight ladies milking one another that my true love decided to give me, possibly hinting at some interesting fetish, and say "Hello from a hotel in Fort Wayne Indiana! Also, happy New Year!" Yeah, the family has gone to visit Father's parents for the 'holiday', and we're staying at a hotel, and, much to my surprise and delight, there's free Internet access! Also, I get a room with a door and a bathroom! And the bathroom has a full-length mirror! And the door has a knob that, uh, sort of came off in my hand. Um... I swear it was like that when I got here. Besides that, hey! Hotel! Free soap! Shampoo! Coffee filters! Light bulbs! Doorknobs! Bibles! Dresser drawers! Coaxial cable! Rocks! Buildings! Fire! The O.C.! Marginalizing! Slood! Wstfgl! W%#Ywehkjb!

Okay, I thing those stopped being things you can get free from a hotel room a while back. Um, and the last few might not have been words. Sorry. But, hey! Hotel!