Milk

Well, it's ten o'clock, and at a loss for anything pertinent to say, because pretty much all I did today was go to Red Lobster and play video games with my friend Morgan (which was fun and all, but doesn't exactly translate into a scintillating post), I'm going to give all y'all a little advice. Buy milk that expires on your mother's birthday.

No, I'm not experiencing a mild delirium, I'm relaying something I actually do. To whit, I go out of my way to buy milk whose expiration date coincides with some relevant day. What? Insane? Stupid? Whatever, man! I don't pay attention to the date! I don't know today's date! The only time I ever stop to think about it, or check a calendar, as when I'm checking the expiration date on milk. So, nowadays, when I'm chugging a pint of milk because I don't want to waste any, I know that it's time to check my little notebook and see who I'm supposed to call and why. The more I think about it, the more I realize I should probably get paper cartons and write the actual event on them, underneath the date. But no... that's a little too much foresight for the likes of me.

My mother, of course, is happy that I'm drinking milk.

Vegan? Lactose intolerant? Just plain don't like milk? Then shut up and go away. There were other ways to get my hundred words in! I could have pulled out an emergency backup post. I could have redesigned the site again. I could have merely typed the numbers one through one hundred. Here I am, giving you advice on how to remember important dates and you're complaining? Why you little... [Insert shaking fist here]!