A brief play, inspired by Resident Evil 4.

LEON tiptoes around a corner, ASHLEY in tow. He stops every few feet to wave his gun around randomly. Eventually, they come to a door, where he stops dead in his tracks, thinking.

ASHLEY: What's the matter Leon? Let's go on.

LEON: Can't. I've got to... I've got to type something.

ASHLEY: ...what?

LEON: I've got to type something. I have a need. A need to type things. There's a typewriter about a half-mile back in the village. Let's go!

ASHLEY: What? Leon, there are more important matters!

LEON: Dammit woman, look at that door! It's green! It's a green damn door! And what's that over there? A plant? A plant I can eat? Enough grenades to burst my attache case asunder? Jesus, woman, don't you see? If you want to get carried off by a bunch of hippo-obsessed Jedi with space-heads, that's your business, but I'm gonna go talk to some blue jackass and then TYPE SOME SHIT.

ASHLEY:... wait, where are you carrying an attache case?

LEON: Shut up! Go to hell!

FIN