Saturday, March 31, 2007


As all of you are doubtless aware, if you're ACTUALLY my friend, it has long been my goal to get so drunk I black out and wake up on a train going to Georgia (the state, not the country). I don't think it's such an ignoble goal, but goodness gracious, has it ever eluded me.

Now, don't get me wrong, getting so drunk I black out and wake up on a train is child's play, I've been doing that since I was twelve. It's the GEORGIA part that consistently eludes me. What is it about that damn state? I've woken up on trains to Boston, to Alabama, to Illinois, and in one memorable instance, to the former Soviet state of Belarus. But to date I have not come across the exact right amount and type of alcohol I need to end up in Georgia. YET. I've been doing calculations, though. A rum-heavy night tends to send me south; a vodka-heavy night tends to send me east; a tequila-heavy night tends to make me soil myself. Amidst the debauchery, I've been performing a number of keen calculations, and I think I've hit upon the perfect mixture: Three domestic beers, one martini (with olive), one extra-large mai-tai (in a comical glass, if possible), and here's the important one: one belly-shot's worth of Baily's.

Tonight is a seniors-only 'inevitable graduation'-themed party. All things going to plan, I'll be next posting from Atlanta!


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I saw Miss Duffy today on the bike trail. She asked about you. I told her you were fine, but I explained the problem you posted and asked if she could help. Knowing her as you do, it will surely come as no surprise that she had a suggestion. "Jack Daniels and Prozac," she said. "I always wake up somewhere interesting after a few Jack 'n Zacs. Sometimes that was the only way to get through thirty essays without one of my students winding up with his severed head in a bowling-ball bag," she added. I left in a hurry, but over my shoulder I heard her toss off a cheery, "Or peach schnapps!"

4/01/2007 12:05 PM  

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