Thursday, March 09, 2006

Well, if nothing else, I picked the right week... get sick.

Oh, man, my brain feels like it's been wrapped in cotton, and because I pinched a nerve in my back (again! One more time and I'm going to consider it worth a visit to the chiropractor), there are certain angles it still hurts to sit at. Angles I gent to discover by hitting them.

Hmm. Presented for your approval: problems with the human body!

  • Illness makes one susceptible to illness.
  • Too many organs!
  • Immortality unlikely, at best.
  • Signal for hunger and fullness too similar, also unreliable.
  • Single sense cluster dramatically overexposed.
  • External genitalia... just silly, really.
  • Needs near-constant maintenance and upkeep.
  • Infants are virtually useless. Seriously.
  • Cancer. What the hell?
  • The entire gastrointestinal system is a bit of a bodge-up.
  • Limited offensive capabilities (NO LASERS).
  • Inability to lick elbows.
  • Inability to lick eyebrows.
  • Generally limited licking capacity.
  • Skeletons look scary. They should be cuter.
  • Hello? Gills?
  • Let's not even get into the brain, here. A jury-rigged rush-job if ever there was one.
  • Lack of standardization.
  • Hair EVERYWHERE! And it keeps growing back!
  • Nudity impossible in certain climates.
  • Myopia, dammit.
  • Real-life versions often fail to match those seen on TV.
  • Pockets do not come inbuilt, and must be purchased seperately.
  • ... well, okay, there are some pockets, but it's not recommended that one stores keys in them.

I think what I'm trying to say here is that if there is an Intelligent Designer, he's an idiot.


Anonymous AAMF said...

It is true. If any man on earth were like Jack Bauer, he would LITERALLY explode from pure, unadulterated awesome.

3/09/2006 8:34 PM  

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