So. Weekend, eh?

Yeah... sorry about that weekend of, let's say, lax attendance. And poor citizenship. And eating paste. I should have warned you folks about what was going on, but no... I've been both busy and lazy lately, so it all sort of combines into a hideous montage of crawling horror. Or, you know, me not updating. Whatever.

Incidentally, I was in Philadelphia this weekend, at a surprise party for my grandmother. Happy seventy-fifth, Nana! Huge surprises, of course, being just the thing to give the elderly, right? It's not like one's heart gets weaker with age, or anything, right? I mean, if Jet Li's 'The One' is any indication, the older you are, the greater the statistical likelihood that you'll be able to lift motorcycles one-handed, right?

"No, it's not; yes, it does; and possibly, I think you missed the point of 'The One'."

Thank you, Unironic Answer-Man! It's been an honor serving with you! Anyway, there was a party, and much surprise ensued, and good times were shared by all. Everyone wins, hooray! Plus, I got to spend a little over a day in Philly: free food a-plenty. The big trade off, however, comes in the form of a little blonde girl named Anne. She's my cousin. She can be a hellion sometimes, and at other times merely a whirling dervish of doom and destruction and wailing and gnashing of teeth. Some day she'll be old enough to realize that people don't enjoy being hit in the stomach with sticks... some day. Until then, I bear the brunt of her aggression as long as I'm in town. Oh, she loves me dearly, of course, she's just one of those violent and crazy kids. And I love her dearly, but she's at her most dear when I'm looking at pictures of her, far away.

I don't know what it is about me, but Anne isn't the only relation that lives be beat me up: I've got a whole selection of tiny relations of all shapes and sizes, each one willing to do their part in beating the tar out of me. And I ain't got a lot of tar, so they have to beat pretty hard to get to it. And of course, being the two-meter tall man-monster, if I so much as ask them to stop, it would probably knock everyone in town unconscious. Alas. Alack. Aloha... I can't talk too much right now. If you're good, I might just explain why I'm so tired even though I don't have infants hanging on me. Okay, bye.