Monday, March 19, 2007

A song that makes me want to do SOMETHING.

I don't often talk about music in this little forum of mine, for a good (if depressing) reason. I don't get it.

Oh, I enjoy it, and I understand it, and I can see what the songwriter wants of me. Some songs are good songs, and their very existance makes me happy, but only because I like listening to them. I don't get moved by music. I don't think it would be such a problem, were music not such a fundamental part of my age group... it's the backbone of my own culture. People connect through bands they like, they get tattoos that represent their musical tastes, they broadcast their music and it becomes an extention of themselves, or they make music... one friend of mine is in three bands and another owns his own honest-to-god keytar. And everyone, or a fraction so close to everyone that it's quicker and easier to just say everyone, has some sort of iPod or other music device. And I don't, and I don't care, because I'm okay with the silence.

Frankly, I tend to prefer the silence. Even to the songs I like.

I don't get it. I don't FEEL it. It doesn't connect to me, move me, touch my soul the way it does everyone else. Like many of my problems, I blame high school... I spend much of my formative years depressed, willing myself into an emotional numbness. The time in my life when I was most susceptable to being moved by art in whatever form was the time when I was least able to let that happen. The connection that most people made, when they let themselves listen to music and just FEEL, I never did. Music becomes a part of everyone else's life, and remains religated to the background in mine.

Not a heartbreak, not a horror... it's like a man with an artificial leg. He can still get around, he can function perfectly well, and you wouldn't even know unless it was pointed out to you. Just a little different, is all. The man who can't appreciate music on a deeper level; just a little different.

I'm getting to a point with this, really I am. I often think of that mental link, the one between the ears and the heart, as being broken; I had my chance to use it and missed out, oh well, life goes on. But it's not broken, really... it's just a little atrophied. Well, a lot atrophied, almost dead, but not quite beyond hope of rescucitation. Because sometimes, extremely rarely, I do happen across a song that elicits something beyond merely aesthetic approval or disapproval. Sometimes, a song does hit me on a deeper level, and make me want to go out and do something... save the world or kiss a girl or write a novel or SOMETHING, it doesn't really matter what which is good because I can't even tell, but it is a good feeling... one I felt the need to share with all of you. It's strange, though... do you people feel like this all the time? Or is it that much stronger do to underuse? So many questions and, of course, answers are impossible. But still, I've been moved by a song today.

And no, I'm not going to tell you which one. It's mine, and I'm keeping it.


Anonymous AAMF said...

Anytime you see me with my headphones on and I'm staring blankly into space, that's actually me being moved by music.

3/20/2007 5:38 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It was "Who let the dogs out" admit it. It was.

3/20/2007 7:35 PM  

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