Saturday, February 17, 2007

Crazies in my head.

I've accepted that I am neurotic. And I'm even coming to accept that I always will be so... that a state of pure mental health is a fictional ideal and that my real goal is to live with and work around my inherent crazy. But until that day, I am going to have to live with my crazy as it comes.

Today, this means giving up a free ticket to see Evil Dead: the Musical. Crazy, yes? But my ride to the theatre was called into work. Suddenly, I was to ride the train and meet people in the city... uncomfortable. Then, I was going to ride in someone else's car, but I'd have to pay for parking. Then we were leaving at five for an eleven o'clock show... then leaving at eight, but we had to run a quick errand first. Then there was to be dinner, but no one knew where. Then we were going to meet people there and drive them back, leading to seven people in one Buick LaSabre for half the trip which was now leaving at seven. This, ladies and gentlemen, is where I hit my breaking point. I can appreciate plans fouling up, and the need to correct them, but damn it, I was UNCOMFORTABLE. At this point, I didn't care if everything would work out perfectly forever, every next step made things worse. I no longer wanted to go, and I realized (being somewhat in touch with the nature of my madness) that I had reached a point where it was literally impossible for me to enjoy myself.

So I cut bait. I got yelled at for it, because I screwed up the plans yet more, but I couldn't go. I just couldn't. I don't know, offhand, whether 'tis nobler to fight my neuroses like a tiger or to let them overpower me like a tiger, but I suspect that in this case, the latter was best. I'm going to have to live in my head for the rest of my life, so I might as well learn to be happy with the company in here.


Anonymous sasso said...

i know exactly what you mean. i get very neurotic when it comes to things like that. my problem is trains and public transportation. if im given a ride, that usually alleviates the problem, but if someone makes me take a train, especially on a friday night which i will have to wait 3 hours for a train because of construction on a rail, i pass on the offer. i wish i would have known about that evil dead ticket though. i would have loved to see it. too bad it closed :-\ oh well. take 'er easy

2/19/2007 4:41 PM  
Blogger Vincent said...

Oh man dude, I can totally relate to the whole "plans crumbling around you and the alternative to just giving up and going home is being jammed in an uncomfortable spot for an indeterminate time, possibly missing the event for which you set out in the first place." In those cases, you have to ask yourself whether the price of your ticket is worth what little remains of your fragile sanity.

If you said "no," then you should run the hell away from the situation because honestly, discretion is the better part of valour anyway.

2/20/2007 10:55 AM  

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