Well. Here I am.

Dial up connection.

It's like getting punched in the face, over, and over, and over.

Somehow, it's even worse than no Internet connection, much like dim light gives one a headache, but not pitch darkness. Or not going to Disneyland is all right most of the time (I expect the bulk of my readers are not going to Disneyland right now), but not when Disneyland has been promised. So, to revise the simile, I guess it's like getting punched in the face over, and over, and over, by some guy who's all like "No, man, I'm not about to punch you in the face over, and over, and over."

Other than that, of course, good times. But I dare not go on, because, you see, dial up connection.