Monday, May 30, 2005

Oh hey! Birthday in three days!

That's right! This Thursday I hit 20. Which means I only have three days left to be a teenager! I know I'm getting a late start on this, but I've got a plan: Tonight I spend getting drunk. Ideally I can put away a full keg of the cheapest beer available right off the bat, sleep through to the afternoon, wake up with a hangover and get drunk again. The remainder of the next day I shall spend having meaningless sex with near-strangers; I'll be very drunk so that should help get the ball rolling, so to speak. Finally, the last day shall be spent hating authority, especially rightful authority who give me good advice based on their own experiences and actively want me to benefit (this means you, Mom and Dad. Prepare yourself for a great big platter or bitchy and ungrateful. Sorry, but it's in the plan, see?)

Alright, everyone clear on the mechanics? Good. All of you willing to give me a hand with the meaningless sex, line up outside my door, please. Ladies first, please, gentlemen kindly wait until I'm absolutely desperate. Ready, set, GO!

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