SWM.

So. Um. Hello. Today is... not going to be the greatest post ever, I'd think. It seems that Nicole and I have broken up. No more Lady Wonderful. It was, well, it was a lot of things. Mutual, inevitable, very maturely handled, the best for both of us, all the qualities you can ascribe to a breakup and somehow pretend that it was actually a good thing. And it pretty much was a good thing, I am intellectually aware of this fact, just as I am aware that it was long overdue. And I'm maintaining a pretty good attitude about this, so far. I'm not mad at her; in fact we ended things on an awkward, but still friendly note. Not that I'm entirely pleased with events, of course, but at least it could have been worse. I'm not on the verge of tears, and haven't been for most of the day. It seemed a lot less painful than either one of us had assumed it would be. Not that it's not painful, of course; I am fighting the urge to apologize profusely and beg her to take me back because I miss her and I want her and I love her... and all day long I've had this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach telling me that I'm in denial, and in a few days I'm going to really realize what's happened and then implode or something... and more than once I've had to stop myself from starting something incredibly vitriolic because I know she's going to read this... and even more often I've had to pull back from something very pathetic because I'm feeling rather pitiable at the moment... and more than anything else right now I'd like to go back and try again from the beginning, even if I couldn't make it work, I'd at least get to spend some more time with her...

Yeah. It's painful. But I'm pulling through. I'll be fine. Life continues. So, yeah. Don't expect a load of hilarity for the next week or so. I'm tempted to just uproot and stop posting altogether, but I can't do that. I met a very pleasant lady through this site, that I wouldn't have if I didn't post every day. And we made each other very happy for a little while, and kinda happy for a longer while, and intermittently unhappy towards the end there, and now we're apart, not ecstatic but no regrets. Thank you for everything, Nicole. I wish you the best in all your future endeavors. Goodbye.