Moving violations!

Who's the lawbreaker?

"Salman Rushdie?"

That's... what? I mean, kinda, but... what? Who even... nevermind. It's me! Those of y'all what know me well know I ain't got a driver's license, and my learner's permit is two years expired, not valid in this state, and doesn't work if there isn't a licensed driver with me anyway. Which means driving a car is probably a Big No-No, but in the interests of art, here represented by Jersey's video production final project, I carred around campus like a proper driverman. Granted, I didn't break twenty miles per, but I'm still inordinately proud that I didn't kill anyone I liked. Which, when someone has to dive into the passenger's seat and I have to peel off, isn't an insignificant achievement.

Methinks, that wasn't so rough. Maybe I'll get my license this winter. Or, you know, die trying. I don't think people say that enough: 'or die trying'. I mean, I could be stuck dead at any moment, right? All my freakin'... lysosomes could simultaneously decide to digest their cells, and I'd melt into a pile of pinkish-red goo. That's pretty sudden! Seriously, I don't think I'd have time to stop whatever I was trying to do before I was dead! GOTTA KEEP THAT IN MIND PEOPLE! You can DIGEST your own BODY from the INSIDE!

Alright, I'm bored of talking. I'm going to go get lunch, or die trying.