I've got to eat people.

Dollar sign dollar sign dollar sign.

I've got to eat people.

"...wait... what?"

There should probably be a comma in that title. Erm. One hopes.

"I... I really wouldn't count on it, though."

Regardless, this is the commercial section, wherein you can buy goods such as so-called 'tee-shirts'.

"And why would I want to make such purchases, pray?"

Because your peers will be envious and attractive people will want to kiss you. CERTAINLY! Now observe the list!

• Are you naked?
  Nude? Au naturel? Well, don't distress over your disdress, buy a shirt to tell the world that you're naked!.
• Local sports team!
  They're the team to beat! They're going to go all the way to the championship! Go locals!
• Non-local sports team!
  They're the best team in the league! They're sure to trample that local sports team! Go competitors!
• The Depository of Assorted Fabulousness!
  Not every idea can be its own store, which is why there is this eclectic collection. 'Eclectic collection' is fun to say.